She knows?

I had coffee with a new girl on the weekend. She was from the internet. She had a sweaty nose. Nowhere else, just tiny beads of sweat on her nose. I could barely concentrate on the conversation, as it took all my focus not to grab a paper napkin, and reach across the table to dab at it.

About Face

I broke a girl on a first date recently. About an hour in, she started talking about 7 year cycles but felt it worked at 8 years for her. I replied by pondering on confirmation bias, and she just crumbled. Her face dropped, and she could barely speak. She realised that I had utterly no belief or interest in the spiritual foundations of her life that had dominated the first hour of the conversation. I've never seen a more powerful change in a conversation. I left before dismay and sadness changed to anger.

Humour

TQ. What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?

A. You can't take a joke.

Profiles

When it comes to online dating profiles, I'm wary of anyone:

Who defines themselves as 'sassy'

Who has a 'great sense of humour' without any evidence of this in their profile.

With a list of deal breakers

With a duckface photo

Who's entire album of photos come from exotic travel destinations.

Who says they 'love to laugh'. Surprisingly common. Opposed to all those who hate to do it.

I'll accept dancing as an interest, even tho I'll do anything to avoid it, but probably not shopping.

Online Dating? Don't Pay.

Why pay dating sites suck

Pick Two.

(unknown source)

Nanna!

At age 19, my grandmother gave me a copy of an American Indian virginity ritual.
Awkward.
It was a classic - the knowledgeable man deflowering the innocent woman.
No mention of how the clueless males in that culture managed.
(which would have been a bit more use to me then)

Getting Older

I just turned 38.
Age has never worried me too much, but my drinking partner dwells on it.
He's been in a relationship for 10 years, so keeps wondering if other girls find him attractive or not, and if he could actually meet new girls if he needed to.
We were out on Friday night (11pm - prime time)and ended up chatting to a couple of 26 year old cosmetic buyers for a department store. The running joke was that we were old and sketchy, and they were young and dumb.
It comes up again in conversation as more than a joke, and one of the girls says:
"You're old; you know how I can tell?"
My friend Blanched.
"Because you can hold a conversation, and you don't keep talking yourself up"

Maybe getting old isn't all bad.

The Rules

I'd forgotten something - you meet the most people between about 10pm and 1am.
That's when people are relaxed enough to chat, but not too smashed.
This was written in stone when I was in my 20s, but some time in my mid 30s I forgot it.
Usually, I go out on a Friday night after work, and run out of steam about 10pm.
This means I never meet anyone other than my immediate circle - everyone is catching up with friends, chatting to workmates, or getting dinner.

The Chop

On my not to do list:
1. A kid I don't want to a girl I don't love.

I'd have a vasectomy if it didn't feel so defeatist.

video
article

Playboy

Back when I was 13, A friend & I discovered pornography.
None of this fancy internet stuff, Playboy was where it was at.
So we went into the newsagent, and bought a mag... plus a 21st birthday card.
-because then the guy at the counter would know it wasn't for us.

I'm being stalked by a scrapbooker

-a teenage friend, who must have an excess of neurotransmitters

... Because I just logged on to chcek for customer emails and got some new friends request. Got to check them out asap.
I LOVE my current job and have a ball - I do what I love and love what I do and today the view from my office window is the cottage garden out of my living area window...with my beloved xxx (dog) at my side. Give me an hour and I will be happily playing with inks, papers, cardstock, stamps, and all the other scrapping and stamping stuff... before jumping the back fence for a swim with my neighbour in her pool when everyone else is driving home - I LOVE my life at the moment!

Love Doctor

I had to meet this girl - a published 'love coach' - personal trainer for the emotionally retarded. But she's been single and trawling the online websites for the last 6 months or so. We've chatted on and off for a while, with no great enthusiasm from either side. Like meeting an architect who lives in a trailer park, or a morbidly obese gym instructor - there was entertainment value up for grabs.

We met for coffee at a mundane coffee shop in a mall. Adequate conversation, until she began espousing a new numerical theory of 9 year cycles in life. I question that the standard astrological cycle is 7 years.
"well yes... but this fits so much better"
So I ask if she believes in it, or feels its more likely that human nature looks for patterns in any random sequence of events.
Well... I've never seen a mood shift so fast. She went into lockdown mode.
"I used to be like you - questioning things, but it's just so negative"
There was no saving things from there. We both ran, each feeling we had a lucky escape.

Interpretation

Cut and pasted

40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

Insert foot here.

I was out with a friend last night who is smitten with a new girl.
Last week, I went out with him on their first proper date to play chaperone.
I ask how it went after we left them to their own devices,
He says 'fine, other than a couple of teething problems',
'Like the psycho husband...' says I, joking.
'How did you know!?' he says, seriously.

Potential.

Much like the baby turtles escaping feeding seagulls, the chance of someone you meet turning into something more is slim. Mere practicalities get in the way as much as the fanciful notion of a spark.

Right now, the possibilities are:
T. A blonde whirlwind doctor I drank too much with.
X. A pole dance instructor named after a comic book heroine.
L. From RSVP -– Waiting on a call.
N. From RSVP - Waiting for her to finish walking the dogs
M. American friend of friend - needing to be shown around Sydney.
C. Disarmingly nice, & intelligent too - but young.
S2. The date from the last post - that went nowhere - Possible glimmers of hope emerge from the ashes.

None of whom I've even kissed, some I'm yet to speak to.
Most will fade to dust, there might be a couple of dates from one,
And maybe, one might become something more.

I guess they're all going through exactly the same process too.

Elevated

A great date is a rare and skittish thing. It inspires and transforms me – to the level at which I’ve been burning the candle for my entire unrealised single life. It’s these glimmers that make me certain that I’m not holding out for some pointless ideal - for some distorted notion of perfection, but for a real girl. One who might like me back, who might just elevate things to a level I have only found in the exceptional shadows of rare friendships. And now I wait to see what last Saturday night might become.

Pick Up

I was out clubbing on Saturday night.
Some guy walks up to my friend, and asks:
"Do you know Rob?"
-"No"
"Can I talk to you anyway?"

I think this almost beats the classic:
"Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?"

Talk yourself up

Some of my latest kisses.

"It is pleasant to sing, but not I do not have either a voice, or ear for music, therefore I do not sing."

" I have read many interesting books thanks to my occupation and my engineer information technology career in the university."

"I am not an outdoors person at all. The only outdoors thing I like to do is fishing and hiking/trekking in beautiful mountain and country areas and going to the beach at night time "

Lesbian Cheerleaders

So they DO exist.