Tuesday, September 06, 2011


The act of taking a young lass to a secluded spot on the beach in order to get her naked for some sea and sun frottage.

Sunday, April 17, 2011


I managed to choke on some steak on Friday night. I could breathe, but the steak wasn't moving, so after some failed first aid and lots of gagging, I ended up in the emergency ward.
I couldn't swallow, so I had a little bucket to spit in, hung off the side of the bed. After several hours of this (they were trying different to dislodge the steak) I had amassed about a pint of spit and vomit.
Into which my mobile phone slides as I knock it off the bed. I fish it out, like something Ripley holds in Aliens, and it's still working perfectly after I clean it off - I guess the viscosity of the evil brew stopped any moisture getting into the phone.
I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing, as I get a bit queasy using it now - despite it being wiped down with hospital strength disinfectant wipes.

Friday, April 01, 2011

Profile Gold

"I enjoy a wide range of activities like homebush walking..."

She was Asian, with English as a second language - not sure if this was an honest mistake, or refers to bushwalking with easily managed boardwalks and suitably placed amenities. 
(Homebush is where the Sydney Olympics were held, and has a range of parks)

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Great Dating Lines #1

"I have my period, but you can fuck me up the arse"
On a first date, last Tuesday.
I declined the offer.

Saturday, February 26, 2011


On my crowded bus last night, a young Asian student offered a middle aged woman a seat.
She replied: "How can I demand equality if I expect chivalry?" with a look of glee that showed she'd been waiting to use  that line for some time.
The poor kid was bewildered, and everyone else just rolled their eyes.

Ways to end a conversation #1

Received this when talking on OKCupid IM.
"My dog just threw up. I gotta go."

Sunday, February 06, 2011


Hunter S Thompson shot himself in February 2005. The very same month YouTube was launched. What would the Gonzo king have made of it all.