Sunday, December 19, 2010

Sydney Women

RSVP is a big Australian pay online dating site.
They're owned by Fairfax, as is the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper.
This was today's online ad in the SMH

Unfortunately, these women seem to be from Florida.

Friday, December 17, 2010


Well, that spread quickly...
It seemes I was the first person in the world to post Assange's OKCupid profile, shortly followed by a friend on Reddit (Bondiben). Village Voice picked it up next. The rest of the mainstream press quickly followed.
It gave my tumble weed blog 10 times the traffic it's seen in over 5 years.
Brownie points to Mashable for crediting my find.

Best of luck Mr Assange - in both the trials of dating and of the courts.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Julian Assange on OKCupid?

Is this a legitimate profile of the founder of Wikileaks?
Not accessed by the owner since Jan 1 2007.
If it is, he should be tried for crimes against Photoshop for this profile photo.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Drive Thru

One of my good friends lived in Darlinghust. A semi-grimy inner city suburb. 1 part yuppie, 1 part hobo, 1 part party boy. He had a decrepit Ford Laser parked on the street.
This was broken into one night, leaving it unlockable. Over the following few weeks, it began to be used as an impromptu bedroom by the local streetwalkers. While my friend was aware of this, he was a bit too lazy to do anything about it. Instead flicking the occasional used condoms out into the gutter. 
It was only some time later that he was spurred into action. One of the clients had refused to pay his special lady friend the full amount after the encounter in the car. Somehow, the local brothel who was pimping the strret walkers  felt my friend was the one who owed them money, and left a threatening letter on the dash. 
So he had to both get the car lock fixed, and go into the nearby bordello and argue his situation. 

Monday, December 06, 2010

I got the smarts

Contacted by a girl who described herself as "intellegent" in her profile.

Friday, December 03, 2010


So now I've had the vasectomy, there's no life forms in my jizz, does that mean the vegetarians can swallow now? It now has no living organisms in it, and no cruelty was inflicted on the animal that provided it.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Sketchy (mostly wrong) theories I won't tell people about.

  • More girls in their late 30s like rough sex because it's a coping mechanism for non-committal boys (or maybe they're just more honest) 
  • Raised moles mean you're a bit of a sexual deviate.
  • Pretty much everyone with a digital camera has nude photos of themselves.
  • That girls on a backpacking holiday are greater conquistadors than boys doing the same thing.
  • That eastern European girls are mostly a bit crazy.
  • Fat girls like sex more, and not because they're desperate.
  • That the meekness of Asian girls is too often a fa├žade and should be dispensed with.
  • That American girls really do give the best head (blowjobs 101?)
  • That Cosmo's 'Hot Sex Tips' really do bore pretty much everyone.
  • Brazilians are obnoxious (never trust someone that takes a drum to the beach)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Chop Chopped

I had a vasectomy 4 days ago.
It's been mostly uneventful.
The nurse was very cute - and I was a worried about getting a twinge as she shaved my balls. But better her than the surgeon. Pavlov would have a lot to answer for if that had happened.
The doctor said 'little prick' as I was given the local anaesthetic. I assume he was referring to the needle.
Apparently I have 'good anatomy'. Whether this is in a medical sense, or just aesthetic, he didn't say.
It's not the sort of thing you bring up in conversation, so I've been mentioning that I just have a sore back to explain my walking like Tonto.
I usually sleep on my stomach - which squashes my nuts - which is not good. So I've been sleeping on my side.
There is one stitch on each side. I don't think i'll be getting a genital piercing any time soon.
I jerked off for the first time today - everything still in working order.
I need 10-15 loads let loose to clear the pipes. Then a 3 month wait before a formal pathology report.
I've had no second thoughts. It's quite a relief really. 
Now to work out what to do with all the spare time for the rest of my life.
I've updated my online dating profile to be fairly upfront about this - no point being deceptive.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


People with lots of gum showing above their teeth when they smile freak me out.

Sunday, November 14, 2010


I bought a pair of clippers a couple of years ago when I started the life drawing gig.
They're fab - quick and easy. But take some getting used to.
I realised that shaving the treasure trail looks odd, and that going too short just looks strange - plus you have to grade into the leg hair.
(I shaved my legs when I was in my 20s and racing mountain bikes, but no more - at 6'6" there's too much acreage to cover)
But this time - I left off the #2 comb I usually use, and ground a bare blade into my nuts. Causing minor, but painful damage.
Pay careful attention when using electrical/mechanical devices on your bits.

Thursday, November 11, 2010


A vasectomy is not a pre-existing condition!
It took me 3 hours on the phone to my health provider and hospital to convince them that I didn't need a signed certificate from my gp AND my surgeon for this.
The lack of communication between agencies is bewildering.
As is their ability to pass the buck.
HBA - I'm talking to you.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010


I was felt up by a middle aged man this week.
I paid $200 for the privilege.
He was the urologist I'm seeing for the vasectomy.
I wondered how much money it would take me to fondle another man.
Was the $200 for the skill or the dirty job?
I guess once you've done it the first time...

There was 2 options - local or general anaesthetic. Apparently it comes down to nut sensitivity. Some boys squirm and giggle (his words).
Which would be embarrassing.

I was also worried about having a bit of movement. Pavlovian conditioning and all.

Stop Thinking

I've been trapped in endless handwringing discussions with girls I know over the meaning of a text or email from a boy they're smitten with. We usually don't think that much. Especially over the semantics of "see you later". I have the luxury of not really caring (?) about the people I'm dating at the moment. At least not this obsessive extent.
There also seems to be an excessive passivity amongst the girls I know. "If he really likes me, he'll call me". God - He might not know if he likes you after the very first date. Don't just sit silently if you like a guy. He might be as clueless as me.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Chop Chop

After years of pondering, and months of deliberation and research, I've decided to have a vasectomy. I'm fast approaching 40, with no desire to have kids.
(Don't get me wrong, I like them - but more avuncular than paternal.
I called the family planning clinic - who almost never get people like me. It's either adamant 22 year olds, or guys my age with 3 kids.
I asked if they had any literature for me to read, but they had nothing more than a couple of pamphlets explaining how sore your nuts will be post op, and if bukakke is still an option for you.
So I ended up chatting to the Librarian, who scratched her head, and came back a week later with some research. All of which puts me as an outlier.
But then I met a psychologist who had her tubes tied in order not to have kids - which is a bit more radical than a quick snip to the nuts.
My doctor was pleasantly supportive of my request - and a referral was no problem, either ethically or medically.
The first appointment is tomorrow.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Profile Name

JuicyTube - worst or best name ever on an internet dating site?
She professes to be after only a relationship.
I Googled it expecting to find a litany of porn, but only found cosmetic products.

Monday, October 11, 2010


This was on a girl's profile.
I couldn't find a source, but it's been around for a long time.

The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The handsome and nice men are gay.
The handsome, nice, and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome but are nice men have no money.
The men who are not so handsome but are nice men with money think you are only after their money.
The handsome men without money are after your money.
The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think you are beautiful enough.
The men who think you are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice, and have money are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice, and have some money and, thank God, are heterosexual are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!!
The men who never make the first move automatically lose interest in you when you take the initiative.

Sunday, October 10, 2010


It's kind of awkward when you've been talking online to a girl for a while, then read her profile more carefully and realise she's a m-f transsexual. How do you get out of that one politely?

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Smart Girls

Intelligence is my biggest turn-on.
Yesterday I went on a date with a postdoctoral astrophysicist from XXX (top notch international university - edited for privacy).
I've now doomed all potential future dates.
And totally lost interest with the fat opera singer I had lined up for this week.
She's in town for only 2 weeks.

Friday, September 10, 2010


I asked a girl the other day what sport she did - she replied "nothing - I'm naturally skinny" as if the only reason for doing sport would be to lose weight. Bewildering.

Saturday, September 04, 2010


Me "Half the world are below average"
Her "More than half I'd say."

Friday, September 03, 2010

Beach Dating Bingo

I was playing with a friend's kids on the beach.
After I left, a nearby mum gave her number to my friend to pass on.

I didn't call.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Manic Pixie Dream Girl( MPDG)

A a stock character in films.
Film critic Nathan Rabin, who coined the term after seeing Kirsten Dunst in Elizabethtown, describes the MPDG as "that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures."

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Can I buy you a drink? Or do you just want the Money.

Some introductory (complete) messages I've recently received from an online dating site:
(these were the complete messages)
  • "just reading your profile you sound very sure of your self maybe you are just a playa?"
  • "Do you tend to internally narrate your own life?"
  • " you by any chance need a wife? :))"
There is a middle ground between telling your life story, and a pithy stock opening line. Some girls prattle endlessly, others say just hi, and expect the guy to do the work, and some seem to be taking advice from Neil Strauss and open with a neg.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Holding out.

3rd date rule? Shag on the first date? Does it make a difference?
If the only card you hold is letting me sleep with you or not, then it's not going to go far.
I'm still undecided where I stand on this.
If you're not hungry, then it doesn't matter how good the food is.
I've tried not entangling myself with a girl to build more connection, but it's a losing battle.
If you don't have the enthusiasm to see them for subsequent dates, the chemistry ain't there.

Monday, August 09, 2010


I was cycling across France, and picked up a cute Italian girl.

Things were getting steamy, she had her top off, and I was kissing her breasts.

She said "Aww - you miss your mother..."

-That was the end of it really. Both of the story and my erection.

Friday, August 06, 2010


There's nothing wrong with hooking up with your stepsister.
It's like double dating with your Dad.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


I watched this movie the other night.
I now have a terrible fear that Roger Greenberg is the man I might become.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


"You can put on make-up, but you can't hide crazy"
Operation Endgame

Chop Chop

I'm a 38 yo guy. I like kids. They like me. I just don't want my own.

I called the family planning centre to get some information on a vasectomy.

They didn't have anything beyond surgery risks and fears.

Nothing about the social or psychological aspect.

I found a great librarian who pulled a bunch of articles from medical journals.

None of the research was relevant to me - it was either dads who had enough kids, or 22 yo guys who were deemed a bit damaged.

So my gp, and everyone else just shrugged and said make up your own mind.

Am I that unusual?

Monday, July 12, 2010

She knows?

I had coffee with a new girl on the weekend. She was from the internet. She had a sweaty nose. Nowhere else, just tiny beads of sweat on her nose. I could barely concentrate on the conversation, as it took all my focus not to grab a paper napkin, and reach across the table to dab at it.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

About Face

I broke a girl on a first date recently. About an hour in, she started talking about 7 year cycles but felt it worked at 8 years for her. I replied by pondering on confirmation bias, and she just crumbled. Her face dropped, and she could barely speak. She realised that I had utterly no belief or interest in the spiritual foundations of her life that had dominated the first hour of the conversation. I've never seen a more powerful change in a conversation. I left before dismay and sadness changed to anger.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010


TQ. What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
A. You can't take a joke.


When it comes to online dating profiles, I'm wary of anyone:
Who defines themselves as 'sassy'
Who has a 'great sense of humour' without any evidence of this in their profile.
With a list of deal breakers
With a duckface photo
Who's entire album of photos come from exotic travel destinations.
Who says they 'love to laugh'. Surprisingly common. Opposed to all those who hate to do it.

I'll accept dancing as an interest, even tho I'll do anything to avoid it, but probably not shopping.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Pick Two.

(unknown source)

Sunday, April 04, 2010


At age 19, my grandmother gave me a copy of an American Indian virginity ritual.
It was a classic - the knowledgeable man deflowering the innocent woman.
No mention of how the clueless males in that culture managed.
(which would have been a bit more use to me then)

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Getting Older

I just turned 38.
Age has never worried me too much, but my drinking partner dwells on it.
He's been in a relationship for 10 years, so keeps wondering if other girls find him attractive or not, and if he could actually meet new girls if he needed to.
We were out on Friday night (11pm - prime time)and ended up chatting to a couple of 26 year old cosmetic buyers for a department store. The running joke was that we were old and sketchy, and they were young and dumb.
It comes up again in conversation as more than a joke, and one of the girls says:
"You're old; you know how I can tell?"
My friend Blanched.
"Because you can hold a conversation, and you don't keep talking yourself up"

Maybe getting old isn't all bad.

The Rules

I'd forgotten something - you meet the most people between about 10pm and 1am.
That's when people are relaxed enough to chat, but not too smashed.
This was written in stone when I was in my 20s, but some time in my mid 30s I forgot it.
Usually, I go out on a Friday night after work, and run out of steam about 10pm.
This means I never meet anyone other than my immediate circle - everyone is catching up with friends, chatting to workmates, or getting dinner.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Chop

On my not to do list:
1. A kid I don't want to a girl I don't love.

I'd have a vasectomy if it didn't feel so defeatist.


Friday, February 19, 2010


Back when I was 13, A friend & I discovered pornography.
None of this fancy internet stuff, Playboy was where it was at.
So we went into the newsagent, and bought a mag... plus a 21st birthday card.
-because then the guy at the counter would know it wasn't for us.

Friday, February 12, 2010

I'm being stalked by a scrapbooker

-a teenage friend, who must have an excess of neurotransmitters

... Because I just logged on to chcek for customer emails and got some new friends request. Got to check them out asap.
I LOVE my current job and have a ball - I do what I love and love what I do and today the view from my office window is the cottage garden out of my living area window...with my beloved xxx (dog) at my side. Give me an hour and I will be happily playing with inks, papers, cardstock, stamps, and all the other scrapping and stamping stuff... before jumping the back fence for a swim with my neighbour in her pool when everyone else is driving home - I LOVE my life at the moment!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Love Doctor

I had to meet this girl - a published 'love coach' - personal trainer for the emotionally retarded. But she's been single and trawling the online websites for the last 6 months or so. We've chatted on and off for a while, with no great enthusiasm from either side. Like meeting an architect who lives in a trailer park, or a morbidly obese gym instructor - there was entertainment value up for grabs.

We met for coffee at a mundane coffee shop in a mall. Adequate conversation, until she began espousing a new numerical theory of 9 year cycles in life. I question that the standard astrological cycle is 7 years.
"well yes... but this fits so much better"
So I ask if she believes in it, or feels its more likely that human nature looks for patterns in any random sequence of events.
Well... I've never seen a mood shift so fast. She went into lockdown mode.
"I used to be like you - questioning things, but it's just so negative"
There was no saving things from there. We both ran, each feeling we had a lucky escape.